this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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