she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize