I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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