chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize