Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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