I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
