you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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