I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
