What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
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