what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
