I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
