i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
