I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
