Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
