Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
