dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
