The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
