THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
