now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i love accidental penises.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Is Oprah even human
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
