We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
