A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
