There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
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Semen is not good for contacts.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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