Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
