The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
