There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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