youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
