I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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