she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
