you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
