i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
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The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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