If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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