her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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