dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
