just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
