Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
