whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
