Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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