Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
