that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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