Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
