don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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