Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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