we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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