theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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