I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
