Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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