you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
