she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
