Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
