I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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