Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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