when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I believe in your delicious
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
