Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
