I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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