it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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