went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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