woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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