There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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