mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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