Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
