the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
