My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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