I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
