That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
last night I used snow as a chaser
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
