I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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