I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
