Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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