I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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