Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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