I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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