i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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