So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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