yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
