I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
