if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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