Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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