umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
