keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
