your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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